about that time

It's mid-term time. 

And it's really stressful this time around. I think it has something to do with graduation riding on this... while I theoretically could take a summer class in order to graduate, this seems to be it. In a few short months, I will finally join the ranks of unemployable college graduates who don't stand a chance against more experienced candidates. 

Obviously I'm a little anxious over the whole thing. 

When J was graduating, I thought it was ridiculous that he didn't have a job lined up (or at least applied for), and I was convinced that when I finally graduated, I would have a clue about what to do, and would magically know where to apply and how to get a job.

Turns out that I was not only very wrong, but looking back, it seems cruel that I was so hard on J for something I knew nothing about. Yet when I asked him for advice about jobs and how to start looking, he didn't seem to have much to offer in terms of advice. Since he's planning on going back to school, and I doubt I have that option, I'm going to have to figure something out without the option of falling back on more schooling. Besides, I've been in undergrad for going on six years... what possibly could I need more schooling for?!

I've been thinking of compiling some writing samples and possibly seeing if I could get published somewhere. But that brings about a whole host of new anxieties... what should I write about? What if I suck? Where do I send my work? How do I know what's reasonable in terms of compensation? Worst of all, what if my best writing days are behind me? 

More importantly, what do I do in the meantime? J wants to start school in the fall, and I should have something lined up for then... I don't enjoy the thought of stressing about rent, car payments, and school costs, and I'm fairly certain my current income from babysitting won't suffice. I've thought about applying to some department stores and simply doing some hourly work while I figure things out... but few things scare me as much as the thought of getting stuck folding sweaters until I'm 50. 

Yargh. This post has been much too negative for my liking. Perhaps things will look up when I'm done with these midterms.